Election goes to dogs

By Benedict Arnold

Sitting in his normal spot, the MacEwan Student Centre Guide Dog realized that the results of the Gauntlet Tier One Election were completely meaningless to him.

"I can’t read!" barked the dog.

"Nor can I," confessed newly-elected Co-editor Еvan Osentоn.

"That’s okay, South can’t even uncap a pen," replied fellow Co-editor-elect Jan Creaser.

Newly-elected News Editor Rob South could not comment, as he was getting fitted for his second turncoat in as many years.
South did issue a statement regarding something current News Editor Mary Chan stated at this time last year.

"I’ll get you, Chan, for what happened to my beloved little Fluffy," he threatened.

Meanwhile, Co-editor hopefuls Collin Gallant and Stephen "Hugo" Broadbent were intent on thinking up a nickname for Gallant while simultaneously trying to be the first pair to successfully poison themselves with Spam. Gallant later barricaded himself in his office to type his manifesto on riverboat piloting.

Dead girl walking Anne-Marie Bruzga had but one comment to add: "Box it! Box the whole damn thing! I’m going to Denny’s!"

Gauntlet ghost Rajiv K. Sethi returned to mount an invisible campaign against South, and was shocked at his defeat.

"You mean after the half-assed job South did this year, I still couldn’t beat him?" he asked.

Sethi proceeded to disappear for another week, until… Tier Two.

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