Kris didn’t read at all last week

By Kris Kotarski

Former Students’ Union President Toby White was convulsing with laughter. It was 2 a.m. in Olympus Hall and he was lying on the ground completely soaked because he foolishly opened his door expecting late night cuddly fun.

Silly Toby.

Instead of getting nookie, he got attacked by a gang of ruffians armed with lukewarm water and a roughshod plan. A full frontal assault from the Supersoaker 2500 forced him to the ground where he laughed because there was nothing else he could do.

Soaking pre-eminent campus personalities at 2 a.m. is a good thing and should be done more often. After all, that sort of lunacy is exactly what the concept of reading week is all about.

This year, the greatest week of school kicked off on International Man Day-the day furthest on the Gregorian calendar from Valentine’s Day. International Man Day coincided with the Canada/Sweden game (hockey) and the Dinos Soccer Cabaret (drinking). These two themes carried us (the students) through the entire week.

Canada tanked it against our blond and husky Nordic brethren, but nothing could dampen the ensuing spirit of reckless commotion. Time stopped and days were distinguished only by hockey opponents, Canadian gold medals, and the ever-rising levels of dementia in Don Cherry’s patriotic rants.

Everyone knew we’d pay for it as soon as reading week was over. For us, the term “Olympic hangover” had a much different meaning than for Canada’s National Hockey League stars. They’ll play hockey with crappy teammates and poor, poor Paul Kariya has to go back to Anaheim, but we’ll suffer more than he ever could.

We have midterms, papers and lab reports. We’re stuck catching up on the work we never did and never really planned to do. The spirit of procrastination always goes hand in hand with reading week and this year was especially bad because of the Olympics.

To make matters worse, the missed schoolwork is only one piece of the puzzle. Academic considerations aside, there are also harsh physical consequences to days upon days of shameless gluttony and intoxication. In our case, the “Olympic hangover” is far too literal to be amusing.

But you know what? Seeing Toby laughing in a puddle of water was well worth it. Hearing Hayley Wickenheiser’s comment about signing a trampled Canadian flag was worth it too. All the slacking and missed opportunities were balanced out by a lot of fun.

Our grades might not show it, but we all needed reading week pretty bad. Nights turned into mornings, just as they will again when finals loom and paper deadlines continue creeping up. We’ll complain and we’ll moan, but we understand this is all a part of being a student. Sure, reading week is over and it sucks now, but come on, would you have it any other way?

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