Call this democracy?

By Badger Badger

As a billow of white smoke rose from the secluded Gauntlet offices on the third floor of MacEwan Student Centre, a writ was put forward by the electorate: democracy doesn’t work.

Moments after taking off his make-shift newspaper robe and Pope-inspired Mitre Hat, Editor-in-Chief candidate and son of the Dean of Communication and Culture, Rob Scherf, suffered a bitter and surprising defeat to Maker of Birdcow and current Production Editor Вen Li.

Li seemed calm when hearing the results.

“What? Election? What the hell are you talking about?!” shouted Li, before returning to his work. “This newspaper isn’t worth the students’ money it’s printed on.”

Scherf was visibly angered at his lack of erectoral success.

“I made a Pope costume, I designed my own posters, and I picked my own running mate,” he spat. “I couldn’t lose!!”

The race for News Editor was more decisive, with Dale Miller taking 82.35 per cent of the vote.

“Fuck off, Badger, I’m drunk,” shouted Miller, drowning in a pool of his own glorious vomit.

Hoffman was less understandable, after finding out he was pwn3d.

“J00 Guyz 4ll t3h suxxor,” sed H0ff|\/|4|\|. “I 4r3 teh b35+. I 4|\/| g01|\|g +0 pwnzorz j00 4ll.”