Coral Egan

By Alan Cho

Dear Diary,

I have found, like, the bestest CD evah! Sarah MacLaclan is still my favourite (I LOVE U SARAH!!1!), but this My Favorite Distraction by Coral Egan is totally boss.

I look at the cover, and I’m like, God, she totally understands my alienation. She’s like this majestic goddess looking up at the Earth going "I want to be part of you but I can’t, ’cause I’m gigantic and so, like, I wouldn’t be able to fit in your homes or movie theatres."

My brother says she looks like Galactus, but whatever… like Galactus could ever write these totally deep songs about stuff.

"There is power in the soft/There is power in the poor/And power is in giving/And not in taking more."

That’s so deep, I’m totally going to think about it. It’s like totally cool, like something Chantal Kreviatza wrote. She was, like, this jazz singer, or something, but because jazz is scary, she’s gone all pop. Which is cool, ’cause it’s like she’s being herself now. Keeping it real is very important to girls my age right now.

Coral Egan’s voice is so pretty, it’s like this rare and precious jewel that makes, like, singing sounds.

I bet Ashton Kutcher listens to her CD. He is so hot, it’s like if he was any hotter he’d be too beautiful for the world, so, like, he would have to be hunted down and destroyed. When I turn 18 (only four more years!) I’m going to totally marry him. Punk’d is the funniest show ever. Like he pulls these tricks, and its funny because, like, he’s this celebrity and he’s so hot.

Coral Egan is cool too. Thank you for reading my report.

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