Ladies hockey season on thin ice

By Lee Bogle and Sean Nyilassy

Once upon a time, there lived a team of intellectually gifted princesses who were cursed by the evil witch of irony who stole their ability to score. This placed them in a league with the brawny college competitors. After three long seasons under the curse, things are not looking better for our queens of ice.


With a 0-7-1 record heading into their game against the Mount Royal College Cougars, the red and gold riding-hooded Dinos women’s hockey team was mauled on their way to Grandma’s house Fri., Nov. 26. The big bad Cougars dressed in Grandma’s clothes, tricking red and gold riding-hood for an early goal in the first period. The Cougars then fed red and gold riding-hood a poison apple, allowing them another point before the 40-minute mark. As the deadly poison settled in and had its devastating effect on red and gold riding-hood, three more goals trickled into the net, bringing the final tally to 5-0.


Owch!


Still in search of their happily ever after, or at least a goal, the Dinos changed their names to Alice and traveled to wonderland on a quest for a goal or two against the elusive Grant MacEwan College Griffins. The trip down the rabbit hole was rough, as Alice found herself down two goals before she could say, “slow down, Mr. Rabbit!” Luckily for Alice, the Griffins spent too long with the Caterpillar and were dazed for the next few minutes. Alice capitalized, and netted her first goal of the weekend. Hurrah!


However, the Griffins sobered up and reported Alice to the Queen of Hearts. Alice nearly lost her proverbial head, and after letting in another three goals, she probably wished she had.


Fortunately, the Griffins temporarily lost their way and got distracted with the Mock Turtle. Alice snuck another goal past the silly Griffins, bringing the total to two.


The Griffins countered, finishing the tail for once and for all. Brutal’s new definition is a 6-2 loss.


This is one fairy tale the Dinos wished they could wake up from. Alas, it is not a dream.


And the rest of their season looks like a nightmare.


The ladies are in more of a scoring slump than Gordie Howe. What? He retired? No wonder. In 10 games the ladies have hit the net a meager fifteen times. To finish with their season record above 0.500, the Dinos must win all ten of their remaining games. To have a realistic shot at playoffs, they will likely have to win at least six.


The ladies resume their season at home Jan. 14 in the fifth year of this millennium against the NAIT Ooks. Hopefully this break will be enough time for the girls to realize this is no longer early season. They should probably start a winning streak if they want their fairy tale season to have a happy ending.

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