Iron Mike’s iron crapfest

By Ryan Laverty

A totally predictable thing happened Friday night in Detroit: a Mike Tyson fight ended quickly and in controversy. The funny thing is, this time it wasn’t Iron Mike’s fault. At least not explicitly.

Over three years after he ate Evander Holyfield for lunch, Tyson stepped back into the ring and did what he seems to do best; he fought a loser. Andrew Golota has been a speed bag for the likes of Lennox Lewis, Riddick Bowe and Michael Grant, so what better way for Tyson to earn $10 million than pounding a guy with a history of losing.

Much of the boxing world held its breath, as it always does when Tyson fights, hoping that Mike wouldn’t get hungry again. With all the negative publicity the sport received over the past decade, another Iron Mike incident was not needed.

It seemed the fight would be over quickly and the only controversy would be why some of us paid $50 for 30 seconds of entertainment–until Golota did the unthinkable and quit. He quit! How the hell can this guy look himself in the mirror? He’s been boxing for more than half his life, it’s surely all he knows, and he throws in his own towel? What’s the deal with this guy? The least he could do is take a punch, go down and save some dignity for himself. But instead he sat in his corner, and refused to put his mouthpiece back

in when the third round started. He looked like a baby sitting in his high chair, refusing to eat the green beans his mother was trying to feed him.

Well if you want to act like a baby, you’re going to be treated like one. Not only is it undetermined if this wimp will collect any of his $2 million purse, but the chances you’ll ever see this guy fight again are slim at best. But then again, maybe that’s what he was looking to accomplish in his lack of effort.

Maybe he wants to follow in Peter McNeely’s footsteps. There’s nothing wrong with getting your ass kicked or making an ass of yourself, if it means getting a Pizza Hut commercial. I have no doubt he’s got all kinds of endorsement deals lined up. In fact, there is speculation the Nicorette people have already struck a 5-year deal with him. They are counting on him to stress the importance of quitting. Golota is said to be really excited about finally being able to do something he is good at. There is also word of an ER acting career. The writers at NBC are working on a script where a 250lb-man goes into a hospital and starts crying uncontrollably because somebody punched him in the head.

Do these scenarios sound preposterous? If so, how preposterous? Would you say more so than a person who trains for most of his or her life to make it to the summit of his sport, only to get there and quit?

Anybody who has the skill or talent to make it to a level where they can make their living doing a sport they love, and then decides to throw in the towel because they are too weak to exert any effort should be drawn and quartered. It is a gift to be able to do what this man was doing, and it is truly a crying shame that it was wasted on such a baby. If I ever see Andrew Golota again, it’ll be too soon. What a punk.

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