Editors, the Gauntlet,
Re: "Bad Kitty, can I buy a pack of smokes?" Jan. 18, 2001
Ruth Davenport’s most recent contribution to the Gauntlet is a delightful romp through the world of hack journalism. [Her column] is chockfull of specious logic, flawed reasoning and Herculean feats of linguistic tap dancing. As stupid a name as I think "Bad Kitty’s Snack Emporium" is, and it is pretty stupid (thanks, elected representatives!), I think her article is worse. Of particular interest here is Davenport’s notion that "In modern vernacular… kitty = pussy = piece of tail = vagina," a logical connection that just might incriminate a few other organizations here on campus, if you’re willing to take the plunge.
How about the Vienna Deli? Vienna = sausage = penis, and that’s only in three steps. The Cookie Nook is, as a "string of syntax," only two letters away from being the Cookie Nookie, and I think the less we say about Company’s Coming, the better. Davenport’s Cirque de Soleil of logical connections continues with the word "bad" being linked to "naughty" which links to "S&M," a little adventure that ends with the demented proposal that "essentially, the potential new store name invokes violent treatment of women." Doesn’t S&M "invoke" the violent treatment of men as well?
This is like saying that the "teen sauce" on an A&W Teen Burger (what’s on the Grandpa Burger?) encourages pedophilia and that Hot Stuff pizza will eventually drive us all wild with insatiable disco-fuelled lust. You’ve taken your poorly researched, irrational and awkwardly written crusade one step too far, Ms. Davenport, and I for one think that the SU’s alleged sphincter-scenery is passing merrily by the windows of the Gauntlet offices as well.