When computers write complaint letters

Disclaimer: This letter was written by an Internet-based random complaint letter generator. Its content is meant to be entertaining, not logical. Its subject was also chosen randomly. Please don’t kick me out of school…

My complaint about Dr. Terry White:

I would like to take a moment to give you some background information about Dr. Terry White. With this letter, I hope to confront and reject all manifestations of cannibalism. But first, I would like to make the following introductory remark: Dr. White’s few positive contributions will continue to be overshadowed by his broader message of hate. No one can be right all of the time. We ought to teach Dr. White a lesson. Although the dialectics of demonic praxis will descend to character assassination and name calling in a matter of days, evidence exists to suggest that his particular brand of insipid interdenominationalism will make our country spiritually blind by the next full moon. Unless anyone who resists Dr. White deserves to be crushed, it is simply wrong to conclude that Dr. White’s vices are the only true virtues. Easy as it may seem to stand up and fight for our heritage, traditions, and values, it is far more difficult to take personal action and deal summarily with the worst classes of mudslinging mendicants there are.

I can repeat with undiminished conviction something I said eons ago: The world has a surplus of stupidity. Why doesn’t Dr. White try doing something constructive for once in his life? His ramblings deserve to be criticized because they waste everyone else’s time. Although I consistently challenge his fickle assumptions about merit, I do not countenance challenging Dr. White through breaking the law–to do so is churlish and indefensible.

I have the strength, ability, desire, and courage to address the continued social injustice shown by salacious obstructionism enthusiasts. Do you? Why do we put up with him? He has endorsed the idea of morally-questionable unilateralism in a number of specific ways, arguing, for instance, in favor of his hired goons’ decision to identify political and religious groups that are his political enemies and re-label them as "uncontrollable leeches" in order to justify operations against them. My motivations for writing this letter are not of insult or hatred, but of the deepest love for mankind and the truest concern for its future generations. Sounds pretty stupid, doesn’t it? But is it any more so than Dr. White’s heinous bait-and-switch tactics? This is nothing new. So I give you this letter. I hope it helps.

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