Magical split decision

Every day in the bowels of Old MacEwan Hall, teams of monsters, some human, some grotesque, and some bearing a resemblance to Rosie O’Donnell, battle to see who will live and who shall die. For those who are resurrected, the battles never truly end.

That was the case with the University of Calgary’s own Butros Butros Monroe and his team who were victorious in one of two games this Tuesday.

In the first game, Monroe fully developed his team, fielding over 10 players before beginning his offence in earnest. Team captain ‘Hasty’ Pouncing Kavu, recently recovered from burns inflicted upon him by the lesser of opponent Chris Jiorj’s Screamer brothers, was proud of their victory.

"Turning them into ashes felt really good," said Karu. "Although trying to burn that Fire Screamer guy was rather like nailing Janet Reno… to the wall. There’s just something wrong with that."

In a move reminiscent of the film Asses of Fire, Monroe decided on the Simoon play, effectively injuring everyone on Jiorj’s team with burning gas, followed by what Monroe called ‘Ghitu Fire.’

"I’ll flame your Vidian Serpent for a million," said Monroe as Serpent was reduced to a charred cinder.

When asked why coach Butros didn’t simply "flame Jiorj for a million" to immediately end the game, Butros replied "I’m dumber than a flaming bag of idiocy. I wanted to kill him with creatures."

As he had planned, Kavu lead the team to a 6-0 victory with the help of more pyrotechnics and Jiorj’s lesser Fire Screamer brother who tripped over and crushed their team’s "Protective Spheres of invincibility."

"We couldn’t have possibly won this game if Jiorj hadn’t foolishly hidden behind his invincibility," said Butros after the match.

Jiorj mistakenly proclaimed "I’m invincible…" shortly before he combusted. "Pfft…" he continued.

In their second game, Kavu’s team was brutalized in a come-from-behind defeat by Max Plainswalker’s team.

Although Monroe fielded a diverse group of players who came out strong early in the game, they were no match for Plainswalker’s co-ed Faerie Squadron.

"If you attack, I’ll not only kill your flyer, by I’ll kill your Dusk Walker," threatened Chris from a murder hole.

In response, Monroe sent even more players who were laid to waste by Chris’ Faeries before Butros’ eventual 1-0 loss.

"There were a lot of fish in play," said Chris in his victory speech.

Overall, it was a very solid round of Magic.

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