The Tao of Denny’s

By Kris Kotarski

Do you know that Denny’s has drink specials? It’s true, it’s true. The Crowfoot location houses a fine selection of domestic beers (at $3.95 a bottle) and imports ($4.25 a bottle). They have a variety of cocktails, ranging from screwdrivers to paralyzers. They also have shots, although our server noted that they "don’t push those." We know all this due to our undying devotion to investigative journalism (and drinking).

The whole saga began one night when we heard a server at another "dry" Denny’s mention offhand that the Crowfoot location had beer. The light bulb lit up. We regularly make Denny’s our last stop of the evening, as do many others, for a slam or possibly a tasty skillet. It seems to help with the hangovers, though we’re sketchy on the specifics, being Social Science majors ourselves.

So, with economics in mind, we began formulating a brilliant scheme, much like Bill over at the Furniture Depot in Red Deer. This is how it went down. Why go out drinking only to go to Denny’s before heading home? Why buy furniture at Sears? Why not just skip the middle man? It was decided. We were going to begin the night where it would inevitably end.

Fast forward to Sun., Aug. 5. Four friends, musketeers if you will, made up their minds to test this crazed theory. They grabbed a corner booth and sheepishly asked if the establishment served beer. When they received confirmation, they proceeded to order what would be their first round: A Heineken, two Coronas and a vanilla Coke (hey, someone had to drive). There were sampler platters and cheese fries, both priced quite reasonably, and a few more rounds consisting of Molson Dry and Corona.

Now, with our tongues loosened and the suspicions of our server aroused, our heroes began to dig deeper. The revelations were positively astounding. Not only did they have beer, but they had hard liquor, be it in cocktail or shooter form. Beyond that, they had drink specials. A bucket of four Coronas for $11.49, at Denny’s! Needless to say we were as giddy as a minivan full of 12-year-old girls en route to a B4-4 concert. Our enthusiasm earned us free shots. Of vodka. In ketchup containers. The vodka shook us to our cores, except for one in the group whose eyes glazed over with nostalgic bliss, longing for the days of his long-lost, much-lamented Warsaw youth.

The night petered out from there. We may have been drinking at Denny’s on a Sunday, but we’re not drunks. We’re journalists and the information we’ve uncovered is extremely beneficial to you, the reader. The next time you feel like going out but are too lazy to go from place to place before finally stumbling to Denny’s, eliminate the middle man–drink at Denny’s. Nothing complements a Meat Lovers Skillet quite like a Corona or two.

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