Crapketeer

Who needs a plot when you’ve got action? Or at least, who needs a good, original story when imitation-Eastern style fighting meets a good ol’ Hollywood cliché?

What The Musketeer sorrowfully lacks in character development, cinematic quality and plot, it unfortunately does not make up for in the abundant, poorly choreographed fighting scenes, liberally sprinkled through out the movie. This makes it a waste of time for any avid movie-goer.

Set in 17th century France, the movie is a poor remake based loosely on Dumas’ classic, The Three Musketeers. It tells the story of a young man, D’Artaganan (played by Hollywood newcomer Justin Chambres), as he follows his dream of becoming part of the King’s elite guard, also known as the Royal Musketeers. To add a bit of weak personal vengeance to the story, he also happens to be looking for the man who killed his parents when he was only four years old.

D’Artaganan searches Paris for the well known Three Musketeers, who are the heart of the King’s Guard, but he finds only pathetic and listless men who have been rejected from the dissolved army and stripped of their commission. The hero must fight to get the army reinstated and with the help of his "feisty" accomplice Francesca (Mena Suvari), an orphaned
chambermaid. Together, they save the famous guard and fall in love
to boot.

Oh, and let’s not forget the evil Cardinal with his insane accomplice who ambushes the King and attempts to disrupt a nation.
The heart thrills at this movie’s originality.

The story is definitely nothing to write home about and the action is only average to poor. It shamefully mimics Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon in a not-so-original and uninspired acrobatic adaption of old age dueling. What has the potential to be exciting instead is a blur of G-rated "action" and loud, loud noises. Besides, if you have seen the trailer, the movie is just an endurance trial with nothing to look forward to.

This movie relies more on a "star-studded" cast than it ought to, including the gap-toothed belle from American Pie (Suvari), Stephen Rea, and Tim Roth.

Dumas’ classic tale is a timeless story of heroics, and deserves much more character development and plot than Hollywood gives it. While this movie claims to meld two fighting styles, it falls back on the Hollywood crutch of crap, neglecting that which makes a movie memorable and worth watching.

The Musketeer is a waste of two hours that will not quite satisfy action fans, and bore to tears anyone who savours creativity.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.