E-Baby! The World’s Online Adoption Agency

On Monday, February 10, 2003, government unveiled a new addition to its adoption services: an on-line catalogue of available, adoptable children (www.child.gov.ab.ca). In response, many have challenged the initiative, asserting that it ultimately amounts to the treatment of children as commodities.

Well I say, more power to the government! It’s high time that we all appreciated how diverse and unique every child is and moved, as quickly as possible, to identify and weed out these differences.

Prospective parents no longer have to sully their clothes or good name by setting foot in a foster home or orphanage. Instead, they can itemize and evaluate children, dismissing the unfit and considering the most attractive–remember, you can’t spell “altruism” without “a list.”

Sure, you might think that an ugly child is just another one of God’s creatures, but honestly: have you ever looked at one? Just imagine the burden placed on a parent whose child is simply unattractive! Not just any parent can deal with an unpopular child, there are important skills involved in making sure that a hideous freak feels loved and appreciated.

The website also features video clips of the children, parading in their darling outfits like charming dancing bears. These clips serve to ensure that those children too awkward or ungainly to make the final cut need never know just how undesirable they are.

A lifetime of institutionalization can take care of that realization.

For anyone worried about the ease with which this site can be accessed, have no fear: it’s open to absolutely anyone. Like most other sites featuring images of children, there is no log-in or user list connecting you, the user, to the government’s questionable website.

To demonstrate Academic Probation’s devotion to this important, ground-breaking program, we’ve included one such adoptive child for you to take into your hearts and browser cache.

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