Onion notices U of C exists

America’s Finest News Source has noticed the University of Calgary.

A story that appeared in the Mar. 5, 2003 issue of the satirical newspaper the Onion and on its corresponding website theonion.com mentions the U of C.

“In an impressive display of the star’s reach, a team of University of Calgary zoologists announced Monday the discovery of an Alaska-Yukon moose with a ‘faint but definite’ awareness of the career arc of Drew Barrymore,” reads the story’s lead.

The story quotes a Dr. Joseph Hardenbrook who explains how he came across the moose in the North Yukon while conducting research on the species’ migratory patterns.

“This moose is a magnificent specimen,” Hardenbrook is quoted as saying. “It is remarkable for the enormous antlers it sheds every year, its ability to subsist on twigs and aquatic plants, and its faint cognizance of Barrymore’s short-lived marriage to Canadian comic Tom Green.”

There is no Dr. Hardenbrook at the U of C, nor are there any U of C zoologists currently studying moose.

New York Office Manager Ty Braxton, the only Onion staffer available for comment was pretty sure that the inclusion of the U of C was an arbitrary decision.

“It was probably conveniently located as far as the story was going,” said Braxton, who admitted he had not yet read the article.

The U of C joins the prestigious ranks of other universities previously named in the Onion, including Iowa State and Columbia.

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