A whiff of what The Rock is cooking

By Alan Cho

When it comes straight down to it, you don’t give a shit. The university experience for you can be summed up by a few all-nighters in the Infocommons and the occasional drunken binge at the Den. Student politics aren’t your concern, you just want to earn your degree and head out into the real world. But then there’s the stifled giggles during job interviews and snickers around the watercooler, because you’ve graduated from the school that elected a rock for president. It’s like you’ve got a degree from the University of Pee-Wee’s motherfucking Playhouse, where finals boil down to figuring out what the secret word of the day is.

In Monday’s Calgary Herald, Deborah Tetley wrote a story about the Students’ Union election in their City section. A patronizing fluff piece, as though written by somebody’s elderly aunt: “Oh how cute, the kids are having an election and they’ve nominated a rock.” Our campus, in the eyes of the city, seems to come right out of a crappy Hollywood college comedy where students learn important lessons about alcohol and stick their genitalia in awkward places. Because post-secondary is obviously just another label for special education. Never mind the idea of voting for The Rock as an open vote to abstain from the running candidates or issues affecting students that in turn affect the province.

Because post-secondary education in this province has become, at best a low priority or at worst, a punch-line lost in campaign speeches. After paying off his mistress and bastard children, Ralph Klein has decided to throw us some pocket change to help repair the damage he caused with his previous ignorance. And though the SU has put pressure on the government to take education seriously, this is mostly on the government’s say so–we are at their mercy and beckon. And why not? When the highest voter turnout in recent memory is 28 per cent, Ralph and his thugs aren’t going to see us as a threat. Just over a quarter of the university’s population came out to support a Students’ Union asking for a decrease in tuition, that’s how they see it. Under-funding post-secondary education and forcing faculties to make cuts means they’re servicing the 72 per cent of university students.

So, next time you’re bitching about the quality of your education or the price of tuition, don’t ask yourself who you voted for, but if you voted. Then pledge allegiance to our most wise and righteous leader, The Rock and sacrifice five virgin goats in his honor.

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