Talent in rez runs like the Nile River

By Sean Nyilassy and Emily Wyatt

The second annual Residence Students’ Association talent show shook the walls of the Dining Centre Sun., Mar. 20. The amazing talent that resides within the residence complex gathered to strut their stuff in hopes of winning big bucks, not to mention the campus-wide glory and fame that can only be obtained with victory.


The talent was divided into two categories: the ever-original funny and serious classes. Picking up the rear in the funny category was fourth placed Julie Bogle, who displayed her unique talent of plugging her nose and making deep throat noises.


She described her talent as, “interesting and quirky and a good talent to have.” But she realized she deserved the last and fourth place due to stiff competition.


Bogle also has some strong words of wisdom for any that feel their talent may be inadequate.


“Just giv’er!”


The first to get a money shot was Tim, whose “Fuck Her Gently” on electric guitar managed third. He included a quick flute solo on the wind instrument produced from his overly tight pants.


His last name will not be published to avoid the throngs of ladies that would surely follow.


Needless to say, the judges who double as Residence Life Coordinators, the RSA President and Vice President Events, were shocked and appalled by the lyrics attacking their ears.


Next, earning a whopping $75–which split five ways makes $15 each–were the Frontstreet Boyz, who were the clear crowd favourite. Their open shirts and bulging muscles titillated both female and male viewers alike.


“We thought we had the capability of the win,” said band member Brynn Collingridge while Alanis Morrisette’s tranquil top 100 hit, “Thank You,” played softly in the background. “I wish there had been more girl judges to notice our hot bodies.”


While the Frontstreet Boyz were exciting, “Hero” led into something which highlighted the vast differences between Australian and Canadian culture.


John Fisher and partner Andrew Hodge followed up the Enrique introduction with an original medley that had the audience rolling in the non-existent aisles. They prevailed over the tough competition and now have a cool $125 to spend on hookers and blow.


Although the funny division included multiple chuckles and a variety of talents, the serious caste of talents provided a culturally diverse experience for all onlookers.


Taking the $50 bronze pouch were Kim Halliday and Ricky Jimenez. They’s “nacho” average couple and their dip into salsa dancing impressed even the best dressed.


Sarah Schmidt proved she is worthy of any jewels she’s ever received. She foolishly gained second place for her vocal version of Jewel’s “Foolish Games,” followed by “I Will Survive,” which was dedicated to all the ladies in the crowd that had been dumped.


But taking the cake, with fingers fast enough to please any woman, was Richard Cobourn. His pianist skills thrust onlookers into a daze of blissful ecstasy. The lengthy journey climaxed with his turn on top of the residence mountain.


“I was impressed by the talent and organization,” said Caroline Turner, event organizer, judge and RSA VP Events. “It went very well and was enjoyed by all.”