Spun: High School Musical

Parental advisory warnings adorn albums that contain lyrics not suitable for children. There should also be an inverse system to designate albums for children that are so obnoxious that anyone over the age of 12 would search frantically for a chopstick to pierce their own eardrums. This label would be firmly affixed to the cover of High School Musical.

Poignant lyrics such as “Pop like a mop/Scoot around the corner,” in Bop to the Top leave the listener pondering important questions like “how does one ‘pop like a mop’? How can ‘scooting around the corner’ improve my life? and Good god Jesus Christ what the fuck?!”

To top it off, both of the female singers sound like the Chipmunks on amphetamines–if they were trapped in Tron. It’s horrifically grating, and it could quite possibly cause seizures and anal leakage.

It’s the album only a masochist could love. If not the additional advisory label, it at least needs one that reads “destroy immediately.”

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