Warped Tour

Having attended the Warped Tour for the past five years, I’ve found the Boy Scout adage “always be prepared,” couldn’t be more fitting. At 15, I learned that ‘preparing’ best not involve chugging a mickey of Sour Puss en route if one hoped to avoid throwing up before an audience of jaded punks. At 18, I learned that even though it’s legal, it still isn’t wise to consume six beers over the course of an hour in the hot sun. Even now, at age 20, my tutelage in preparedness and alcoholism continues, thanks again to the Warped Tour.

Arriving prepared for a quick interview before hitting the beer garden, I was directed to the press area. There, I was handed a schedule for my interviews. Plural. Three more bands to talk to, in addition to the one I had planned for. Unbeknownst to me, my editor had requested these interviews, and due to some sort of clerical error, I would now be responsible for covering them all. So I did what any self-respecting student journalist would do–I made for the beer garden. After a few cans of liquid courage, I’d concocted a brilliant scheme: instead of thinking up questions on my own, I asked fellow drunkards what questions they would ask said bands, and stole all their ideas. Needless to say, this did not lend well to a cohesive story.

The lesson this year: be prepared. If that doesn’t work: get drunk.


Gauntlet: Arnold Schwarzenegger or Vin Diesel?

“Arnie. Sure he’s getting old, but Vin Diesel is… Vin Diesel.”

G: Johnny Cash or Elvis?

“Johnny Cash.”

G: Favourite movie?

Waiting for Guffman. But we just watched all the Star Wars movies yesterday. It was very inspiring.”

G: Boxers or briefs?

“Tightie whities, but they’re not whities. They’re turquoise today.”

G: Do any of you stuff with a sock?

“No. We probably should, though. That’s not a bad idea…”

G: If you could drive any car, what would it be?

“I’d get one of those smart cars they have in Europe. We don’t have them in the States yet, but I totally want one.”

G: Do you guys score a lot of chicks?

“We’re really not looking for it, and we’ve never been the kind of band that searches that kind of thing out. But I’ve seen it on this tour. There’s a lot of it. It’s very prevalent, but just not in our camp.”

G: Favorite pastime?

“I like to walk… outside.”

G: Any misconceptions about Canada before coming here for the first time?

“Canada was a lot prettier than I thought it’d be. It’s a lot more open than I’d expected. There’s a lot of land here.”


G: Arnold Schwarzenegger or Vin Diesel?

“Vin Diesel for sure. He’s younger, he’s got better movies… Schwarzenegger’s a governor. You can’t be cool if you’re a governor. Any cool points he had were lost as soon as he ran.”

G: Elvis or Johnny Cash?

“Johnny Cash.”

G: Any thoughts on the situation in the Middle East?

“It’s fucked. It’s totally fucked.”

G: Girls or beer?

“…… Beer. Beer won’t cheat on ya’.”

G: Which is better–Canadian or American crowds at Warped?

“The Canadian crowds seem to be more appreciative. American kids are a little jaded. They can see these bands all the time.”

G: Boxers or briefs?

“Boxer briefs.”

G: Do you get a lot of groupies?

“The chicks are too young! I’ve got a lady friend, though, so I’m not really into it. When I was younger, I was into it, but now it’s just too much work. Sit and talk to a girl for five hours to try and get in her pants? I know that’s kind of a pussy thing to say, but I’d rather just check out some bands and hang out with friends. It’s less work. I always go for the easy way out.”

G: Favorite pastime?

“I don’t really have any hobbies. I was thinking about that yesterday. Like, fuck, I need a hobby. I work a lot, between touring and managing other bands, and I write songs with some bands, so I manage to stay pretty busy. But when I do have downtime, I like to watch movies or TV, you know, barbeques. Normal stuff.”

G: Do any of you stuff with a sock?

“Nah, we’re all like, four inches hard, so there isn’t much point in pretending anything different.”

G: Favourite movie?

“Probably Anchorman. Me and my best friend are always texting each other Anchorman quotes. ‘I’m kind of a big deal.’ ‘My apartment smells of rich mahogany.'”

G: How do you feel about sucking toads?

“I’ve never done it, but I’ve heard it can be totally rad. I’ve tried pretty much every other drug. But someone would have to give me the right kind of toad. I’m not going searching for toads. It’s like when I was a kid, I’d go searching for mushrooms. I’m not gonna try that again…”


G: Arnold Schwarzenegger or Vin Diesel?

Steve: “I think Tucker could take them both.”

Tucker: “Yeah, totally.”

G: Girls or beer?

Tucker: “Neither. Whiskey.”

G: Why do you align yourselves with PETA?

Tucker: “I’ve been a vegetarian for 16 years. It’s not strictly for animal rights. I just think PETA’s a good organization and I think they’re making a big difference.”

G: Any differences between American and Canadian Warped shows?

Steve: “Kids are kids. They’re all the same. The cigarettes are different, that’s about it.”

G: What are your thoughts on commercialization in punk rock?

Steve: “It’s been that way for a long time. I think with anything it’s like a pendulum. Something big will break out on the scene and then get bastardized–”

Tucker: “Wow, that’s a lot of port-a-potties down there.?

Steve: “Anyway, you tend to get all the watered down versions then. I think on this tour you’ve got a little of both–there’s some real-deal stuff, and you have some watered down stuff.”

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