This Week On The Internet: Decrease productivity tenfold!

By Ændrew Rininsland

The average student is withering away under the dreadful pressure of having to finish four tests, six labs, two art projects and a combined 45 pages of term-papers within the next six weeks- and that’s without discussing the average engineer’s workload. Those poor souls won’t see the beautiful rays of spring sunshine before June. As such, the ability to procrastinate longer than a rez rat doing laundry is both a fatal and necessary skill: fatal, because doing it too much will get you a one-way bus ticket back to Moose Jaw or Winnipeg or whereever you’re from, yet absolutely necessary since working 72 hours in a row will make you C-R-A-Z-Y. Here are a couple wicked Flash games to keep you sane, whether it’s during paper writing or that god-awful never-ending linguistics class from hell.

Hapland 1, 2 and 3

The goal of Hapland is to get the stickmen to light the torches, causing the portal to open and Goa’uld to emerge and turn the aforementioned stickman inhabitants of this bizarre and beautiful world into mindless slaves. How this is done is half the game; most objects on screen interact with each other, sometimes helping the stickmen towards their goal, sometimes killing a dozen of them in the process. Be prepared for Myst-like frustration.


Another addictive puzzle game, Planarity gives the player a bunch of connected vertices which must be rearranged so no two edges overlap. It’s kind of like taking a ball of plastic-wrap and flattening it, except you can only grab a tiny part of it at a time. Okay, look, it’s hard to describe, but trust me, it’s fun.


Yeah, it’s old and ugly. And yes, most readers of this column have probably played it before. Yet, it’s still the most addictive game on the Internet and the author of this column is still better than you all at it. 3483, suckas!


A cross between Pac-man and Jezzball, Pacxon requires the player to steer Pac-ma… Err, “Pacxon” around the screen avoiding ghosts and clearing empty areas. The retro sound effects also go really well with eighties synth-pop.

Divine Intervention

This game takes a bit of time to get into because its difficulty ranks somewhere between “ridiculous” and “obscene,” depending on what you set it to. It is, however, possible to beat it in one life without cheats.


Make the bunny jump on the bells! Bonus points for jumping on birds. Yeah, it sounds silly, but it’s quite fun. It also gets props for cool music.


Linerider, which started out as a simple Flash project on Deviantart, somehow turned into a huge Internet phenomena. The idea is to draw a track for a little toboggan dude and, well, that’s kind of the point. Yet the ingenuity of people in their creations is insane. Some are fully illustrated winter landscapes, some are extreme stunt courses, but all of them must have taken hours upon hours. Seriously, it’s amazing how much time some people have on their hands. Check out the official site, try it, then search for “Linerider” on YouTube to see how utterly bored some people can get.

Castle Attack 2

You command a squad of arrowmen as they defend the castle keep against the invading hoardes. Like frosh week, except less violent.

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