In the “About damn time” department, Bermuda Shorts Day will be less than 48 hours away by the time this article goes to print. That’s not much time to get ready, but thanks to everyone’s favourite technological marvel, preparing for the best and most drunken day of the year is easier than ever.
Find some wicked tunes
A couple columns ago, I mentioned Filtermusic, which is a list of ad-free online radio stations. This is perfect for those with decent connections and a tiny library of music as the stations are all super high quality and professionally DJ’d. Particularly good are the techno/trance and drum ‘n’ bass lists. For those of us with obscenely huge mp3 libraries, Mixxx is a cross-platform turn-table simulator with pretty decent beatmatching capabilities. Pretending to be Oakenfold was never easier. Cranking it to 11 is highly recommended.
Get a good excuse
While most profs know BSD is a total gong-show and don’t bother doing anything significant in class, some are less understanding and make everything due the last day of class. Furthermore, most part-time jobs aren’t conducive to a day of drunken debauchery. As such, a handy excuse is one of the most effective tools in the Bermuda Shorts Day arsenal, and with the multitude of excuse generators on the Intarwebs, your beer-addled brain doesn’t even have to come up with one.
Double the drunkenness
For the engineers in the crowd, theultimatebeerbong.com lists what is, by far, the most complex four-person beer bong in the history of human existence. Also on that site is a $20 five-stage alcohol filter that can ostensibly make Russian Prince taste like Grey Goose. The lazier among us can use Expert Village’s six part video series on beer bongs to scavenge Home Depot for tubing. Caveat emptor: beer bongs can lead to violent drunkenness and are often a bad idea. They’re also not allowed on campus.
Learn some cool party tricks
The Intertubes are rife with wicked-cool tricks you can use at parties to look totally badass. One of the coolest is using a five dollar bill to open beer bottles. For those who want to get seriously creative, “1,000 Arten ein Bier zu öffnen” gives 1,001 different ways to open a beer bottle, albeit in German. Who’d’ve thunk?
Read tips on curing hangovers
To quote Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Everything in moderation including moderation.” Unfortunately, BSD is largely a festival of excess and thus the morning after is deadly. To limit the extent of your hangover, drink plenty of water, toss back a few Ibuprofen and Tums and prepare one of the hangover remedies from the following sites before heading out.
That’s it for this week. Note that the Gauntlet takes absolutely no responsibility for any problems caused by following the preceding advice. Don’t sue us when your boss fires you for trying to get off work with the excuse, “My grandmother overdosed on ephedrine and I have to visit her in the hospital,” or you bong six beers in a row and end up streaking down 17th avenue à la Old School.
Other than that, from us here at Web, have a great summer, a kick-ass BSD and good luck with finals.
Note: While there will be no web columns over the summer, feel free to check out Ændrew’s personal blog site, Hairysquid.net!
Have a crucial tech question? A wicked-cool website to share? Is your cat in your PC, eating your megahutz? Email email@example.com!