By Jordan Fritz
Attention tough-guys: stop making music. Nobody wants to hear about how angry you are, how abusing women is sweet or your unnatural fascination with the German language. With a sound varying between System of a Down, shitty nu-metal and tiring industrial– all with a large helping of show-off-manship– the Gods of Now present a fairly boring rehash of what people have been doing better for the past 15 years. Just for good measure, they throw in some ambience, which might actually be the best part of the album.
Sure, they can all play their instruments quite well, but since when does that equal good music? Extended guitar and drums solos are meant for the live environment for a reason: people at shows are drunk or high enough to put up with it.
Knowing how to sing should also be a concern before you want to sing in a totally sweet “dirty rock and roll” band. Ranging from annoying singing to half decent screaming to terrible gut growls, the delivery may be the only thing worse than the lyrics themselves. “PornoZING!!!” tells the touching tale of sexual exploitation of a girl who is “a slut, slut, slu-u-u-ut! / Just like her mama!” a great indication of this band’s charm.
The Gods of Now beckon, “How long before you get down on your knees?” One hopes the answer is “not if you fucking pay me.”