Asshole ex-girlfriend plans to remain asshole for benefit of ex-boyfriend

More than six months after the end their long-term relationship, third-year chemistry student Jennifer Miller remains committed to maintaining a persona of spite, inappropriate anger and bizarre personal attacks in an effort to help ease Chad Brooks transition out of their relationship.

“I know this has been hard on him,” said Miller, who has graciously berated her former lover at every public opportunity so he won’t feel awkward. “I just want Chad to understand that nothing’s changed between us and we can hopefully continue with me destroying any self-confidence left in him that I might not have ripped completely apart while we were together. I know our friendship is important to him.”

Miller and Brooks, who have been members of the same social circle for years, began dating in 2008 after enrolling in the same English class.

Mutual friend Emily Pepoy said she thinks both parties will be able to pull through these tough times.

“I know that they’re both looking for the same thing,” Pepoy said. “At least Jennifer is, I’m not sure about Chad. She gave all of us an ultimatum and said we shouldn’t talk to him anymore. But I’m sure complete abandonment from all of his friends is the perfect thing after a rough breakup.”

While no longer officially seeing each other, Miller still cherishes the moments she does interact with her old flame, such as drunkenly yelling at him when she sees him in the hallways on campus or forcing him to apologize after he happens to visit the same bar.

Miller was recently shocked to learn Brooks has been seeing a new woman for the past several months. A relationship that she said can only end badly.

“I just don’t like the thought of some girl building up Chad’s self-esteem pointlessly,” Miller said. “It’s going to be that much more devastating when I rip it away from him. Some women just don’t think.”

For his part, Brooks said he understands Miller is doing this because she cares, and, if she didn’t, why would she have finally let him break up with her after asking so many times?

“Jennifer’s a really great girl,” Brooks said. “Not many guys can say they have an ex so dedicated to casually destroying their perception of self worth with every Facebook status update. I’m really lucky.”

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