BSD, make way for SPD

By Ian Thorner

The Gauntlet editorial board decided this week to ignore the always tempting federal election–and for a claque of chattering liberal arts fairies, this was no small feat. Truth be known, we crave this weekly opportunity to cram our bias and unfounded opinions down your throat. But this week we relented, instead devoting this space to informing you of the greatest idea anyone at this university has had since a U of C research team invented the comma, way back in 1971.

An anonymous TLF submitted suggested a few weeks ago that the last day of class in the Fall semester be designated as–are you ready for this?–Snow Pants Day. Yes, Snow Pants Day. Much like Bermuda Shorts Day at the end of the Winter semester, Snow Pants Day would be an occasion for students to meet with classmates to commemorate the end of class and use flash-cards to prepare each other for finals. Failing this, you could skip class, drink watered-down beer at Max’s, and retch your remaining brain cells into a toilet in Mac Hall. Is there a downside to either plan? We say–we don’t think that far ahead! In fact, this is such a good idea, we’re surprised our Students’ Union didn’t come up with it in the first place. Leave it to a lowly student to figure out how to inject a little razz-ma-tazz into a usually flaccid campus atmosphere.

Snow Pants Day is a brilliant idea, really. For the record, we propose the following: on Dec. 8, everyone should come to campus wearing snow pants or snow-related attire. Think of the good times (GTs) that will ensue! That prof who gave you a D on your mid-term could receive a surprise face-wash as he/she fumbles for the keys to his/her beamer. GTs! A snowball fight between Engineering and Management could have deadly but hilarious consequences. GTs! How about a snow eating contest? GTs galore!

We could freeze Lot 11 the night before–a thousand-student shinny game sounds A-OK to us. Hmm? What about an obscene snow-person building competition? GTs for many students (possibly not all). And the possibilities go on and on; snow forts, snow angels, icicle sword fights, placing tongues on frozen metal campus art and seeing who can leave them there the longest. We’re sure you’ll agree this is an idea whose time is long overdue. Most of you seem to like BSD. Snow Pants Day will be like BSD, but without those crappy bands.

One day, students at the U of C will roam around campus on the last day of the Fall semester listening to the high-pitched swish-swish of snow pants and wonder, just as we do now with Marxist-Leninism, how we ever survived before such an idea was conceived. We urge… no, implore all students to join us in starting a great tradition here at the U of C, one for which future generations of students will forever be grateful.

The first ever Snow Pants Day will be Dec. 8, snow or shine.

Our gratitude goes out to the student who originally conceived this idea. We respect your right to anonymity. However, if fame is what you wish for, come on up to MH 310 and we’ll see what we can do.