Get to know your Dinos! (Even a little too well)

By Warren Jerred

Nothing to report from this past weekend. The men’s volleyball team had a bye-week. So to do my part in drumming up some fan-support for the boys on the lankiest team on campus, I present to you an introduction to and some lesser-known tidbits about each of the guys. Here we go! (Disclaimer: All in good fun. Any offense taken to these profiles is pre-emptively dismissed as not being able to take a joke. An inside joke, at that.)

-Blake “Bad Air” Adair–Blake is the only Dino above 6’5” that weighs over 160 lbs. I guarantee that.

-Kris “Skeletor” Brand–Kris, with a “K,” is frighteningly thin. Come to a game and watch Kris, until he turns sideways.

-Steve “Moochy” Brand–Steve is the driver of the Sacramento Kings bandwagon, and runs gas plants where he employs mentally disabled children (at least that’s what last year’s CIS profile said.)

-James “the Godfather of Soul” Brown–James got his groove on in Junior College Baseball in California before joining the Dinos. He throws a faster pitch than Randy Johnson, he told me.

-Kelly “Chewie” Cherniwchan–Kelly is on the National team, so he thinks he’s better than everyone else. He told me if I ever game him an LVP award he would kick my ass.

-Lee “Cartilege” Czernick–So named due to the cartilege, or lack thereof, remaining in his knees. Lee will be creaking around in the second half of the season, listen for him.

-Adam “F*King” Forbes-King–Adam is a rookie with three names, looks remarkably similar to Tom Kelly (a former member of the Dinos), and is in the sights of an inappropriately dressed stalker.

-“Handles”–Setter Glen Handley will only let me refer to him as “Handles” from now on. “Handles” doesn’t own any pants besides sweatpants. I got love for “Handles.”

-Andy “the Revolution” Holland–Andy has had two new nicknames for every year spent on the team. He’s also angry.

-Jamie “bullet-tooth” Kubik–I’m never sure whether to call him “bullet” or “tooth” but Jamie said I can call him “Susan” if it makes me happy.

-Cory Paddock–Jamie Kubik says that Cory’s nickname is like his spin-serve. [Ed Note: The rest is not appropriate for the Gauntlet.]

•Jon “Tough-Actin’ Inactive” Pendlebury–Boom! Jon is essentially in training this year, but he’s good at everything. If you want to learn to skydive call him, he has over 100 jumps under his belt.

-Ray “Ramon” Sewell–Girls think they’re over Ray, but they’re totally not.

-David “Salty-Balls” Sol–Returning to the team from Sweden, Dave is the Dino who looks like a fashion-model. He may even be more “ridiculously good-looking” than the soccer team’s Matt Houston.

-Scott “X-Ball” Thomas–Form-erly known as “Captain Ragebucket,” Scott has toned it down a little, but he still hates his laptop.

-Logan “Too many nicknames to list” Tolsma–He’s known as “Slogan,” “Log-Dawg,” “Logee,” even the “Lurker.” One thing’s certain, Logan “sweats more than the average Joe.”

-Eric “Von Blingenbrechten”–actually it’s Von Engelbrechten, which means broken angel in German. Creepy. Call him “E-Money.” He’s from the A-town and he’s proud.

There now, don’t you want to go watch the guys play Trinity Western this weekend at the Jack? I know you do. Trinity is the Dinos most intense conference rival, and “Handles” has helped me dub the match “The Battle of the Splitters” due to the two teams’ tendency to play .500 ball.