The word fetish has long been associated with the risqué, the strange and the painful. It’s not something you bring up in polite dinner conversation and I’ve yet to see a bathroom stall advertising the latest in bondage gear. So where do you go to find out about this taboo subject? Amid surprised gasps from my friends, and a frightened look from my boyfriend, I set out to discover a road map to Calgary’s fetish scene.
My first step was a call to the B&D Emporium to arrange an interview with Jessica, the store manager. Billed as "Your one stop fetish shop," I figured it was as good a place as any.
"The first thing you need to do is figure out what your kink is and how you want to express your fetish," she said. "It’s not really one united scene; there are lots of different subgroups."
Fair enough, but how do you find out what your kink is? The possibilities seem limitless.
"We’re all seeking the pursuit of happiness," Jessica explained. "Your fetish is how you express what works for you, and what you do just depends on how far you take it."
According to Jessica, good places to start are parties because "they allow you to kind of feel the ground."
‘Kinky Parties’ are thrown throughout the city, ranging from the monthly kink nights at Detours to the large balls thrown by fetish wear providers. These parties offer the curious an exposition of some different kinks, and can help you discover what works for you.
If attending a party seems too intimidating, there is a lot of information in print.
"Books are a really good resource," Jessica continued. "If you really want to get into it, there is a lot to learn, even just the proper techniques."
Books can also provide an overview of what’s out there without the pressure of seeing it in person. Another resource is magazines. European magazines present a really good idea of the culture, especially the clothing aspect, and feature lists of information resources such as websites and companies.
There is also a large number of so-called "contact magazines." These publications have sections that allow people to find like-minded individuals, and also provide listings of social events.
Although Calgary does not have many specific local organizations, we fall under Western Canadian or pan-Canadian organizations. The web offers detailed information on organizations such as the Western Leather Federation, or North Bound Leather in Toronto and there are also chat rooms and message boards. However, as with all information on-line, don’t believe everything you read.
The Internet is often the preferred method of finding out information.
"People just don’t want others to know their business," Jessica explained matter-of-factly. "People enjoy the anonymity of being a faceless buyer."
Despite its advantages, Jessica cautions against using the Internet and the bar scene as a way to pick up like-minded individuals.
"It’s really a safety issue," she said. "In contact magazines, it shows some effort and a willingness to put yourself out there. If you’re just going to a bar to get lucky, you never really know what you will get. It’s the same thing with the Internet; you just don’t know who you’re really talking to."
During my discussion with Jessica, I realized just how much of a misconception I had of the fetish scene, and mentioned the prevailing negative view towards fetishes.
"The media really likes to associate kinky with creepy," agreed Jessica. "Films like 8 Millimeter and Pulp Fiction present fetishes in a really creepy way. It does provide us with some recognition, even if it’s not always positive. We still want to be accepted without being vanilla."
"I don’t think this scene will ever come out of the closet," she continued. "Sexual venting, which is really what this is, will always remain behind closed doors. It will always be taboo."