Fairy-tale ending not in the cards for women hockeysaurs

‘Victims of global imperialism’ best summed up the University of Calgary women’s hockey team as they entered game three of a best-of-five battle royale against the Mount Royal College Cougars Fri., Mar. 5. The previous weekend saw the Dinos fall handily to the Bourgeois Cougars in the first two games of the series.

“As soon as we stepped into the playoffs, we played our best hockey,” reflected Head Coach Julie Healy.

Friday night the Dinos found themselves in what seemed like an Indonesian Nike sweatshop as they were forced to work double overtime shifts after regulation time ran out with the score knotted at three. However, Netminder Tonya Young kept the Dinos in the game with her dazzling saves and charming smile.

She was finally rewarded when team captain and Player of the Game Shauna Raugust netted her second goal and the win late in the second overtime. The appropriate accolade for the honour she worked so exuberantly for was a six pack of Pepsi. Thank you corporate sponsorship!

“Hard-fought,” was the word that best summed up the weekend for Raugust. “I wish it had been Gatorade [instead of Pepsi] to help recover from the game.”

But corporate headquarters was not impressed with the overtime revolt. The following night the capitalist swines known as the Cougars pressed the Dinos hard to the grindstone, yet again forcing overtime on our ladies.

With 18 seconds left in the first overtime, Cougar Sarah Poberznick foiled Young with a spinning backhand shot from just in front of the crease, squeaking it through the tiny mouse hole between her pads.

While unrewarded for their overtime effort, at least the Dinos heard their small group of supporters–led by the SMElliot International Aid Agency–who overpowered the complacent, yuppie, right-wing Cougar fans’ roars.

With the Dinos’ season over, Nike CEO Phil Knight can smile easily once again–the Proles were put down. The sweatshop is safe for another mid-summer stretch.

“Damn the man, fuck the man, I hate the man!” vexed a visibly agitated Andrea “Poupy” Poupart, a naturally nice-hearted, good-spirited, fine-looking individual.

Next year the Dinos get one more chance to reign supreme in the Alberta Colleges Athletic Conference.

While the Dinos exceeded expectations with their stellar post-season run, they are still in the college league. In the program’s infantile years, it did not fare well in interuniversity action. The demotion to ACAC was a three year ordeal to help develop the team’s potential. This year’s playoff success followed by a strong season next year will certainly prove they are ready to take on the Canada West teams in the 2005-2006 season.

“This is where we ended,” Healy prophesied. “We start from here next year.”

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