Ready, set, dodgeball!

By Nick Meehan and Jon Roe

Everyone has fond memories of growing up and playing dodgeball in gym class as a kid. The sound of a ball whipping past, the bounce of rubber on wood and the undeniably satisfying thud as an opponent hits the

deck after being nailed cause most people to feel all warm and fuzzy. Atleast the people who were good at dodgeball and not the poor bastards receiving the brunt of the rubber-induced pain.

Good dodgeball players rejoice! The university intramural dodgeball league is now in full bounce with scheduled games every Sunday night in the Red Gym. Anyone can make a team, whether it is faculty specific, such

as law or geology, or a group of friends rounded up for a ball-tossing frenzy.

This is exactly what Mikaela, organizer of Team Boomer, decided to do.

“I heard about the intramural dodgeball league through a friend of a friend,” said Mikaela, who didn’t give a last name. “I wanted to put a team together.”

She pulled together a squad consisting of both university students and community friends. Mikaela stressed the league is a fun thing to do on a Sunday night.

“[It’s a] good time,” Mikaela said. “[It’s an opportunity to] spend a lot of time with friends.”

If making a team with a group of friends is not appealing, individuals’ teams exist and anyone can show up to play-as long as the campus recreation fee is paid prior to participation. This choice appealed to Mike Lam who

did not have time to organize a team before the deadline.

“As it stands right now I could of put together a better team,” Lam said.

A fun, uncompetitive, crazy atmosphere is what initially drew Lam into the dodgeball scene, and it seemed like a better choice than other sports such as intramural volleyball and soccer.

“This league is more competitive,” Lam said. “And it brings back childhood memories of days before university.”

Lam suggested that interfaculty competition could be fun and threw down another gauntlet in the business-engineering grudge war.

“Business can take engineering any day [at dodgeball],” Lam challenged.

If an engineering-business match were to take place, they’d need to be played under the official dodgeball rules where teams consist of six people, preferably three males and three females. Matches last for ten games, a game is over when all players on a side have been eliminated or five minutes have expired. After five minutes the team with the most players on the court wins. If both teams have an equal number of players on the court the game goes to sudden death where all players come back in to play. The first team to eliminate an opposing player then wins the game.

Having good sportsmanship is essential and being honest about hitting someone or getting hit is the highest priority.

The goal is to have fun everytime you step on the court, and it’s pretty hard not to. Dodgeball is guaranteed entertainment on a typically dull Sunday night. Next time you’re bored after church on Sunday, strap on some spandex, snap on your goggles and get trapped in the Red and Gold Gyms having the time of your life. Ready, set, dodgeball!


Though it’s too late to register a team for the fall semester, here are some tips to get in shape and ready to rampage in the winter session.

Flexibility is important. As such, a strict stretching regime is necessary. A favoured stretching technique is performed by covering the body in KY Jelly and sliding into corners. Positions must be held for up to 15 minutes and then massaged out by a large Swedish man named Sven, repeat 4-6 times.

D-Baller Tip: Eating powdered dodgeball rubber slowly turns the body into a rubber/human hybrid, making Sven’s job much easier.

A simple old-school workout involving throwing cannonballs out onto the high seas provides the perfect muscle-burn needed for throwing, and is a good way to make extra cash plundering.

D-Baller Tip: Black Beard is a much better personal trainer than Long John Silver. Players should avoid Davey Jones, or risk never getting out of the locker room.

Matches start with balls placed in the middle, players lined up along opposite walls and a count of “ready, set, dodgeball.” As such, strong sprinting legs are essential to get to the balls first. A workout that all dodgeballers try at least once in their lifetime is running up Mount Everest in the dead of winter. The steep incline is the best in the world and the ice will ensure perfect running form, or else.

D-Baller Tip: Carrying a yak and a Sherpa on the back all the way to the top is not necessary but earns plenty of bragging rights.

With these helpful tips, any team can find success in this crazy dodgeballing world.


Leave a comment