Spun: The Suits XL

Predictable, over-produced and cloyingly poppy, Quarter Life Crisis is sure to find its place among the year’s abominations. The Suits XL employ a misguided amalgamation of musical styles that always end up yielding to show-stealing pop melodies so sugary they may induce vomiting.

With synthesizers, keyboards, strings, DJ scratches, beat boxing, extra drum tracks and random rap interjections lending a hand to the Suits’ standard rock band setup, it must have been pretty difficult for them to make something so bland, but by God they managed it. The irony is that the whole album is summed up in the opening stanza: ‘Fed up, it all sounds the same/ Music’s like a pinball game/ Every note, every key/ Glorifying what used to be.’ Ah yes, what used to be, like when music had soul and didn’t sound like a commodity that had been sucked of all its worth by hours of laborious studio engineering.

Dozens of bands have proven that synths and ’80s keyboards can be done with class, but even when they’re clad in fancy suits these faux-rockers can’t pull it off.

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