Examining issues of Gwar and peace

By Darren Young

There are many different ways to define a hard day at work. For the members of Gwar, a typical business day usually involves dressing up in full demonic attire, playing some tunes and ruthlessly slaughtering victims such as George Bush, the pope and Paris Hilton live on stage. Gwar has been up to no good for almost a quarter of a century. Oderus Urungus, vocalist of Gwar, attributes the band’s longevity to the increasing tolerance for filth among human beings–and immortality, of course. In addition to all of his gruesome work on stage, Oderus tends to be the voice of the band in the press. During an interview with the Gauntlet this week, Oderus discussed the typical Gwar work day, how the band spends their free time and the art of global navigation.

Gauntlet: What did Gwar do for Hallowe’en this year?

Oderus Urungus: You know Hallowe’en, I’m afraid to say, it was much like every other day of our lives. We had a cannibalistic blood orgy in Philadelphia. I actually was the only member of Gwar that dressed up that day and I took on the persona of Alex Trebek, host of Jeopardy. I went to several excellent parties and then I went back to the gig, became Oderus and slaughtered about 2,000 people.

G: Would 2,000 be a record for you?

OU: No, no, no. Of course you have to remember Gwar is killing people all over the world every night. There’s these diseases that we’ve created that we’ve given to the human race and we’ve taught them how to make war, so that’s another body count roughly attributed to Gwar. But yes, at one place at one time, about 2,000-3,000 at one blood orgy is probably about upper average I would say. A regular average would be about 800-1,000 beings beaten, stomped, hacked, impaled, gouged, raped, slain, drawn and quartered, et cetera. Every now and then we do have a day off where even Gwar has to go to the–well I don’t even know what Gwar does on our days off, we just kind of sit and stare blankly into space.

G: Is there a particular day off that you’ve had in recent memory that stands out?

OU: Running amok at Disneyworld was pretty good, I suppose. Completely nude–phallus squirting just huge cords of pulsating man-liquid all over entire families. Gaping, screaming children who thought at first I was a friendly alien from the Walt Disney Halloween ride or something were ruthlessly impaled in front of their parents. You know, that’s a good day.

G: With society becoming aggressively politically correct these days, how do you manage to keep doing what you do?

OU: That’s just the way we are. The idea of Gwar changing in any way, shape or form, or trying to keep up with the establishment is disgusting. We’ve just kind of settled naturally into our particular niche in pop culture and for some reason we get away with it. I mean, I’ve been shredding anuses worldwide now for 23 years. Society has become so placid, the humans have just become these sheep-like, docile, bloated, preoccupied people. Nothing offends them anymore, I mean, you could take their children from them, incinerate them and they won’t even care. We try our hardest to take the most disgusting elements of your society and parade them in front of you and people just laugh. They laugh and laugh as Oderus rapes goats, chops off the president’s head and rapes the pope. I guess the human tolerance for filth is because of Gwar. They’re so completely desensitized by Gwar’s continuing murderous antics, that they’re just going to ignore it and hope that we go away. It’s a damn good strategy except for the fact that we’re immortal. We can’t go away. Believe me, we’d love to go away, but we can’t so we’re stuck here and we’re just going to be ourselves.

G: Speaking of things you like to do on stage, who is your current favourite pop culture icon to skewer?

OU: Well you know it’s pretty obvious. This tour we are, of course, decapitating the president and you know it’s a sentimental moment. We’ve decapitated him so many times in the last eight years and he’s one of our most popular characters. For some reason everyone really likes to see the president get his head cut off. This is the last time that they’ll be able to see him get his head cut off during his tenure as the president. We’ve just had women wailing inconsolably in the front rows because believe it or not, George Bush is something of a ladies’ man. Actually, he’s a great stud. Well hung, very well endowed. We often cruise strip clubs together and I’m gonna miss him.

G: Has world domination become more difficult these days with him trying to do your job for you?

OU: Well, no I mean, the biggest thing that has stopped Gwar from completely dominating the world is our poor map skills. Even with Google and Wikipedia we don’t know where we are. The best way to defeat Gwar is to give them poor directions and it’s kind of like our secret weakness that I just told you about. That’s another problem: I tell everyone our weaknesses. I’ve gotta stop doing that.

G: The Canadian dollar recently surpassed the American dollar. Do you think that Gwar was responsible for this feat somehow?

OU: Of course. Everything you guys do is because of us. And even though I don’t know anything about this at all I’m going to take credit for it. I think it’s really funny, though. Things are going really poorly for the American economy and you guys had better hurry up and invade Iran or you’re going to go broke.

G: Actually, I’m not an American. I’m a Canadian.

OU: Oh, good for you! We love our woolly Canadian brothers. We’re coming to Canada for another feasting. People up there are so freaking crazy. The time will come soon that with the Canadian dollar being more valuable than the American dollar that Gwar and the Canadian people will invade America from the north, destroy it and claim it as our own.

G: What lies next for Gwar?

OU: We are touring relentlessly, then we’re going to find the Gwar cave in Antarctica which was destroyed during the last chapter in Gwar’s idiotic history. We’ve had a crew repairing it ever since. Then we’re gonna be focusing on a slew of new Gwar merchandise that will coincide with Gwar’s return to dominance on the 25th anniversary of Gwar tour which will be about a year from now. It will be the most intense event in human history. Anyways, on to what will hopefully be your last question.

G: It is my last question. After years of performing with Gwar and doing these interviews, how do you maintain the energy to keep doing them?

OU: Good question. I’d have to say alcohol is a big reason. A lot of people don’t really consider Gwar a bunch of drunks, but we really are. That’s a big reason we love coming to Canada, because the beer is really excellent. Alcohol and just a slavish devotion to myself and the complete acquiescence of all beneath me to my endless demands.