Whip it! Whip it good!

Let’s go down the list: blindfold, check, feathers, check, ice cubes, check. If this is starting to sound like a list you could have made, you are likely getting ready for a little BDSM.

BDSM, an acronym comprised of BD (bondage and discipline), DS (dominance and submission) and SM (sadomasochism). It is a collection of activities that allow for self-discovery, a deeper closeness with your partner and a whole hell of a lot of fun for your sex life. There is no one standard of BDSM since the limits vary from person to person and so do the activities, as we will get into a bit further.

There are many misconceptions surrounding BDSM that circulate and deter some people from getting involved. The idea that BDSM is associated with abuse and/or disrespect of your partner is not accurate. Because of the wide spectrum that BDSM covers, you may have one partner interested in soft, sensual activities such as being blindfolded while a feather slowly glides down their torso, while the other likes hot candle wax dripped down their inner thighs. These are examples of one element of BDSM referred to as “sensation play.” Moreover, participation in BDSM is entirely consensual, unlike the lack of choice a victim has from an abuser and BDSM is actually more disciplined than one would believe. There are often certain established boundaries. There are “soft limits,” that with some convincing by one partner may be considered and “hard limits” where you will not bend. Maybe the idea of any form of pain, like nipple clamps or even simple pinching, doesn’t do anything for you and you refuse to experiment. This is a hard limit.

With BDSM there is always one partner as the dominant and one as the submissive. Surprisingly enough, the submissive is actually the one that has the most control of the situation. If you don’t want to be dominated by your partner, then you won’t be. The submissive actually gives the dominant permission to control them or the sexual situation while the dominant acts out established fantasies and is driven by the desire to fulfill those fantasies and please their partner.

Some people who enjoy more extreme BDSM activities, falling under the more sadomasochism category may require a “safe word” during play. Because sometimes saying “no” isn’t meant to mean “stop,” partners establish a word that tells the dominant enough is enough. This is one of the best parts about BDSM, the respect, discipline, and communication it brings. But enough of the academics of BDSM, let’s talk about some of the more exciting and interesting categories such as the objects, forms and the fantasies.

BDSM can be as risque or as mild as you like. Don’t think you have to spend your student loan on a bunch of specialty BDSM toys either. You already have lots of material to work with if you’re new to the scene, like ties, belts, Saran Wrap, candles, brushes, dental floss or spatulas.

One idea that really stood out during research was the mixed marble bag. There is both a punishment box filled with pieces of paper containing erotic punishments and a reward box filled with erotic pleasures. You fill a bag with twenty marbles (or any object with two different colours). Every day the submissive must pull a marble out of the bag and draw from the appropriate box, then, before the day is over, the submissive must follow through with whatever is written on the card they pulled. This is only one of many ideas you can try. Another consideration is to go to an upscale restaurant equipped with some sort of sex toy. If you are the dominant you hand the toy to your partner and order them to take it to the bathroom, get naked and masturbate to orgasm using this toy. This creates and exciting sense of vulnerability for the submissive, though the Gauntlet is not responsible for any trouble you may get into.

This is only scratching the surface of the exciting world of BDSM. It is not just prodding and piercing, tying and slapping, there is an adventure out there for everyone that will suit your taste and push the limits of your sexual desires. Now, after saying all that, when you finish reading this article I want you to take this paper, roll it up and spank yourself a couple times for me and have a great BDSM kind of day.