How the Gauntlet got pied

By Cam Cotton-O’Brien

Six days from when this article is published I will pie the Gauntlet staff. I’ve been threatening this for weeks, but I am still unsure whether people around the office believe me or not. Anyway, the matter will be cleared up in a few short days.

It is ridiculously easy to pie people next week. All that you have to do is walk down to the foyer in front of the Engineering Students’ Society and chat with the pie squad, who will be set up at a table there. They will happily tell you that each pie costs five dollars. From there, it’s just a matter of picking targets.

I’m gonna have a lot of targets next week, so it should keep the engineers busy. They’ll come up to the office around dinnertime, laden down with numerous cream-filled crusts and call out the names of my victims. Unfortunately, these folks will then have a couple of options. They can take the pie, pay an additional five dollars on top of the original price and redirect the pie to someone else or they can pay $10 over the original price and take the pie to eat.

There are sure to be some redirections, but a good deal of the Gauntlet staff will wind up kneeling on a garbage bag and taking a pie in the face. It will bring me endless mirth.

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