The University of Calgary campus was abuzz early this week as students prepared for the annual tradition of unaffiliated BSD after-parties.
Though the nightclub-run events, not involved with the university or Students’ Union in any way, all sound amazing, students are forced to agonize over the choice of which bar they will continue to consume liquor at.
Second-year business student Charles Harper said he’ll make up his mind based on the fantastic posters bars have graciously put up on university bulletin boards.
“I appreciate that they’ve found some stock-art of a stripper to let me know I’ll have a great time if I choose to attend their event,” Harper said, pointing to the glossy ad. “I’m not sure how it lets me know that, exactly. I think it has to do with her breasts being so predominantly displayed.”
All across the school, students discussed their post-BSD plans, many of which included taking advantage of one of the nightclubs’ drink specials, which granted students the chance to gorge themselves on cheap beer if they arrived before 9 p.m.
“Everyone knows that you’ve got to go out after,” said third-year English major Stephanie Green. “If you don’t, then what’s the point of starting to drink at eight in the morning? That would just be stupid.”
While BSD is an exclusive event for U of C students, many bar managers feel this stance is too exclusive and encourage all members of the public to attend their after-parties by promising “hot, scantily-clad, drunk university students” will be in attendance.
“Do I feel like some kind of cheap commodity being used to attract older, aggressive men who might take advantage of me in an inebriated state?” Green asked. “Look, I have a lot of studying to do, I can’t think about this right now.”
U of C social interaction professor Miles Fraser said students need to take advantage of these great prices and buy tickets today before they’re gone.
“What are you, some kind of pussy?” Fraser goaded. “We go’n ge’ fucked uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!”
With only a short time before many first-year students have their first chance to be punched in the face by a complete stranger, many on campus are eager for the wait to be over.
“I’m hoping my friends and I can get into the good after-party,” said second-year biology student Melanie Lee. “Because the alternative is being in a dimly-lit room with pounding bass surrounded by grinding strangers who have been drinking for at least 12 hours. Oh . . . wait.”
Though the hottest destination has yet to be agreed upon, all students confirmed they’ll be making the most of their time this Friday.
“Man, last year was so fun,” said third-year engineering student Jennifer Valentine. “I don’t remember anything.”