Bursting with beauty

By Craig Norman

The intro music sounds, a swirling globe appears and before you can say "tennis elbow," a buxom nude blonde is standing amidst a locker room full of equipment and jerseys discussing basketball scores and the no fair catch rule.

Although this may appear highly unusual to most, it’s just another broadcast for Holly Weston, in the midst of delivering her nightly sports recaps on the Naked News (www.nakednews.com). However, when the camera pans back to showcase Holly’s other newsworthy assets, it reveals a strange and wondrous thing–she’s pregnant.

At almost seven months to term, Ms. Weston is favouring an image that doesn’t get much publicity in today’s media; that pregnant woman are beautiful. And not just beautiful mind you, but most often, damn sexy. A woman who is "eating for two" radiates sexiness; she glows, she sparkles and yes, she arouses. This attraction to a creature that steadily inflates between bouts of pickles and Rocky Road ice cream cravings is erotically mystifying. What is it about a woman who has a bun in the oven that brings a sly smile to many a man’s face? Romantics may purport that this affection is a metaphor for the life which grows inside of her; that the act of creation itself endows a woman with an angelic and heavenly beauty. Though I partially subscribe to this idea, there is a larger, more primal force steering men’s fancy to the fertile.

Whether in part from the divine blessing of procreation or a fantastic blend of hormone cocktail pumping from their ballooned bellies, pregnant women shine with a natural exoticness and attractiveness, which are not commonly associated with so-called traditional views of beauty.

Demi Moore’s full nude Vanity Fair cover–in which she appeared in the last weeks of her pregnancy, caressing a tummy fit to house a Volkswagen beetle–made me think, "now that’s a whole lotta woman, and what a woman!" All the accentuated roundness and smooth curves of the female figure that inevitably come with membership into the "Yummy Mummy’s" club, only serve to enhance an already enticing form to which most men eagerly respond.

Men are basically apes who learned to drive (badly, I’ll admit to it), and we are largely controlled by primitive urges when regarding the opposite sex. However, it seems nearing a woman who is "in the family way" allows us to reconcile these vulgar flashes of lust with our higher order sentiments of nurturing and love. This makes for one helluva selling package; complete with options all the trimmings.

If one day my future (distant) partner turns to me and wretchedly complains, "Oh god, I’m as big as a truck!" I’ll excitedly reply with a mischievous grin and a fiery embrace, "Extra trunk space and all, sweetie, and you never looked better."