t.A.T.u., 200 Km/H in the Wrong Lane

By Jerome Mazandarani

Many people believe that with the demise of the Cold War, Russia, that once great super power, home of vodka and budget-priced nuclear weapons, could no longer bear any kind of threat to the Western World.

Please think again.

t.A.T.u.’s multi-million selling Euro-hit album, 200 Km/H in the Wrong Lane, has finally been unleashed upon an unsuspecting North American market. Vocalists, Julia Volkova, and Elena Katina are both still in their teens, and in the coming months, little girls will want to become them and little girls’ fathers will want to shag them.

The album kicks off in bombastic style with the future Top 40 single "Not Gonna Get Us," all hi-energy beats and chipmunk-like vocals; definitely the strongest contender so far for 2003’s Gay Anthem of the Year. “All the Things She Said” is the group’s debut Canadian single and it doesn’t disappoint either. Not since Britney Spears’ school-girl peon to nymphomania "Baby One More Time," has there been a more blatant attempt at courting the paedopop market. In case you didn’t know, this is the song whose video features that lesbian love scene. "When they stop and stare-don’t worry me, cause I’m feeling for her what she’s feeling for me," the girls sing as metal guitars soar and synth-lines crash into the chorus.

Sticking with tradition, the girls include the prerequisite cover version. On this occasion, The Smith’s classic “How Soon is Now?” is radically re-worked, again! Indie music snobs may not be too impressed but at least Julia and Elena are doing their bit for the Marr & Morrisey retirement fund. Although patchy in places, "Ya Shosla S Uma" deserves special mention-or maybe this writer just doesn’t have an educated appreciation for Cyrillic folk tunes. Nonetheless, 200Km/H in the Wrong Lane is going to make a lot of little girls, gay men and a few others very happy, and what is so wrong with that?