Month: February 2001

By Lawrence Bailey

Deep from the Gauntlet’s disturbing archives is the first Bizzaro sports story. Please note, however, this is all made-up. The people in this story are real, but their actions and words are not. The purpose of this is humour so please take it as such. And to coach Vanhooren, his brother, Chris Harris and Whit… Continue reading Bizzaro Sports: Vanhoorens pull a fast one

By Lawrence Bailey

Get Rex a Girlfriend Have you ever noticed how uppity and irritable Rex can be? Honestly, he could really use some companionship, or at the very least someone to share the load and give him a break. We all have weeks where we’re overworked, tired or just don’t have it in us. Wouldn’t you love… Continue reading Five Roads to redemption

By Kris Kotarski

Explaining the lack of students at our athletic events is not very hard. There are about as many excuses as there are boy bands on MuchMusic. Oooh… it’s a commuter campus. Ahhh… there are so many other options for entertainment. Damn… students just don’t care about their Dinos. Even though a lot can be blamed… Continue reading It’s not just the crappy fans, you know…

By Kris Kotarski

Hey, University of Calgary sports fans. Hope you’re doing well. I noticed you’re still infected with a nasty case of the "I don’t give a shit" syndrome. The apathy at your school defies reason. Not only do you not care about the Students’ Union, the quality of your education, or that little tuition thing, I… Continue reading If you build it, they still may not come

By Kris Kotarski

What rich irony is it we have seats in our gymnasium and no asses to fill them. What moron(s) decided the Jack Simpson Gym should have a 3,000 seat capacity? Oh wait, maybe the seats are there to add orange and blue to complement the rich collage of colours in our beloved Jack. Perhaps they’re… Continue reading Swimming in apathy

By Ryan Laverty

After watching this weekend’s NHL All-Star game and listening to all the know-it-all hockey analysts, I got to thinking. Without a doubt Canada is the only country in the world already getting worked up over the 2002 Olympic Games in Salt Lake City. The only topic of discussion seemed to be who would lace ’em… Continue reading Ready to rumble

By Max Klein

Bigger breasts for women, more endurance for men, more sex for both. Abraham Lincoln once said: "If I were given six hours to chop down a tree, I would spend the first four sharpening the axe." Lincoln was saying preparation is the key to success and time spent on self-improvement is worth it. Benefits of… Continue reading Sex and the weightroom

By Lawrence Bailey

The Vikings were a people known to rape, pillage and brutally slaughter all those they encountered. While the University of Victoria men’s basketball team aren’t nearly as barbaric, this past weekend they proved they were just as thorough. Facing our beloved but beleaguered Dinos squad, the Vikes (15-5) made short work of the walking wounded,… Continue reading Men’s Basketball: Weekend Update

By Scott Lepp

The Dinos travelled to the west coast last weekend for a battle against the reigning Canadian Intercollegiate Athletics Union champions, the University of Victoria Vikings. This was a significant weekend series for the Dinos because a sweep would have put them in very good shape for the close of the regular season. Unfortunately, Calgary was… Continue reading Women’s Basketball: Weekend Update

By Еvan Osentоn

You have to give the University of Calgary’s women’s hockey team some credit–not only do they find new ways to lose every week, they give the media covering them some fantastic statistics to play around with. Check these out: On Fri. Feb. 2, the Dinos lost 16-1 at home to the University of Regina. That’s… Continue reading Women’s Hockey: Weekend Update